Salutations, my adoring disciples!
-Aku's trademark laugh-
Welcome to my brand new series, Aku's Storytime, where the Shogun of Sorrow, himself, (which is me of course) spins you, fans, tales of mystery, suspense, and, uuuuh….. MORE suspense! Now, this is a story I like to call... The Loud House: Birthday Surprise.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away- no, wait, that's not right! Um... Once upon a time, in Mexico- no wait, that's not it, FUCK! Once upon a time, there was a girl named, Luan. She was the most annoying bitch the world's ever seen! I can see that even the cat's getting fed up with the constant, useless jokes! By that time, Lincoln decided to pull a joke of his own, and it resulted in Luan getting booed off stage, Lincoln dropping the truth bomb on her, and it all came down to her devising up a plan that even I can come up with, and terrorize the entire neighborhood for making her life meaningless (even though her only purpose in life is to make everyone's life a living hell).
So, let's just skip through the bullshit and get into the meat of the story; Luan has been caught by police, and was taken to a psychiatric ward. But she escapes and continues her rampage. She sees some bitch with a bag of donuts and demanded her to give her the bag. She then got up in her grill "(mocking the woman's voice) These are for my children and nenenenena!" I really got tired of looking at her stupid face, so Luan did me a favor and kind of ripped it off.
She even went as far as to run over some brats, leaving the mother to cry over her loss (evil laughing)! And they call ME evil! I'm actually getting impressed, it was like watching a mini me go off on some bastards and bitches!
Sooner or later she caught up with Lincoln and some slut named Jordan, and took them to some abandoned factory of some sort, blah blah blah, so-on-and-so-forth. After a few hours of boring monologues, Lincoln goes all Robin on Luan's ass, and she calls in some fatass Pennywise-looking motherfucker named Ed, and they all get into one big scuffle before everything went KER-PLOW!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAH!!!
Luan threw a firecracker at some propane tanks and the WHOLE ENTIRE factory went sky high!
Jordan went looking for Lincoln for some odd reason, it never really caught my attention, till she sees Luan, all battered and withered. She says something about Lincoln being dead and all that crap. This, somehow, causes Bitchy McTwat-Face to pick up a rock and hammer down on Luan like a Kardashian on crack! This was beginning to feel pointless, so let me get to where it ends.
Luan gets the needle and everything goes peachy king.
That's it. Nothing suspenseful ever happens again like all these stories turn out. Just a happy endi- you know what, this story was fucking terrible! It was nothing else more, than an emo fanfiction, that's all it ever was! It felt like whoever made this thing was listening to Linkin Park while writing this terd of a story! Goddammit, do these mortals have ANYTHING besides an animated version of Twilight?! (groans) And you know what's worse? What's worse was that... Luan would NEVER do anything like that! EVER! I know she can be annoying sometimes, but she would never harm Lincoln! The only thing she did to Lincoln was punishing him if he did anything self-centered and or mischievous. That's it! No blood, no gore, just good ol' fashion discipline! And it really is a shame for The Shadow Reader that he would narrate this emo, Marilyn Manson, piece of shit!
(deep sigh) Now I'm just angry... I think I'm gonna destroy an entire city. This had been fun, can't wait till next time, when I tell you how I managed to drown Calliou in his own pool! (evil laugh)
See you next time, my adoring disciples! (Loud evil laugh)