Thread:XZonafer/@comment-34942134-20181208031833/@comment-31308655-20181212013407

I'd give it a 7/10. Keep in mind that this is a story, meant to be read for fun; using terms such as 'circa' and 'cohesive' make you focus more on the words than the story. Also, it's highly cliched; the DVD was just left there, the characters all spiraled into nothingness and all died after the main event. Make the characters stronger and seem more human; don't rely on a cartoon dosomeone may have not seen to tell the story for you. Also, you seem to rely most on the wording; don't. Make the storyline the main focus, and your pasta will become a masterpiece.