C.H.O.W.

"C.H.O.W." or "Cat Haters of the World" written by TheDarkCat97
The first thing you notice when you dig around in the seedy underworld of cat-bashing, is that it's an old hobby. The haters have left their mark across poetry, literature, and art for centuries.

John Bradshaw even stated that there's always going to be someone in a group who's going to stand up and say cats are aloof, manipulative little devils.

In his 1922 cultural history of the domestic cat, The Tiger in the House, Carl Van Vechten notes, one is permitted to assume an attitude of placid indifference in the matter of elephants, cockatoos, H.G. Wells, Sweden, roast beef, Puccini, and even Mormonism, but in the matter of cats it seems necessary to take a firm stand....Those who hate the cat hate him with a malignity which, he thinks, only snakes in the animal kingdom provoke to an equal degree.

Joseph Stromberg at Vox is only the most recent ailurophobe to launch a broadside against the feline species. His 28-paragraph essay on the supposed evils of Felis catus, published last week, tells readers that cats are "selfish, unfeeling, environmentally harmful creatures."

His argument breaks down into four simple points: "Your cat probably doesn't love you." "Your cat isn't really showing you affection." "Cats are an environmental disaster." And, "Your cat might be driving you crazy."

We called Bradshaw, an internationally recognized cat and dog researcher and author of several books on pet ownership, including Cat Sense, for his learned opinion on the "science" of cat-bashing.

I, used to be one of those cat-bashers, until a recent event made me think twice before opening my big mouth about cats.

You can say this scared some sense into me, but let me be the first to say that I regretted being a stupid dumbass, or a jerkish smartass, on my own volition. Right before I became a member of C.H.O.W, or simply "Cat Haters of the World" if you will.

I actually went on the official site and it says on their homepage, "Cat hater t-shirts, hats, mugs, magnets, and cat hater gifts! Original cartoons with cat humor at it's best! The best place for cat haters or anyone with a twisted sense of humor! Cat Haters Of the World (C.H.O.W.) was created in 1987, and has continued to spread around the world! Become a C.H.O.W. member... share the humor and help spread the word! It's the best cat hater club in the world!"

I clicked on members and it says, "Join Cat Haters Of the World to keep up with the latest cat-hater cartoons & humor! Also receive great discounts for C.H.O.W. members only!"

And before I know it, I became a member right away. It was kind of exciting, me being a dog person I knew what I was getting into. The next day, I went on the site again, watching videos like: Cat running into wall, Cat swinging from a fan, Blonde Installs a Cat Door, "I hate cats" by Daryl Makk, How to Stop Cats Pissing on Your Car, and the Roadkill music video, until an Email popped up. It was from C.H.O.W. They told me to come to a special event taking place in an old farm way out in the fields. And it's due tonight around 10:00. That night, I put on my C.H.O.W member T-shirt, got in my car and sped down the road. As I got there, it was so crowded, I had to park my car on the side of the dirt road. I walked over to see a rock band playing in the field on stage, lights were shining in all directions. They were playing songs like "Dragula", and "I Stand Alone".

There were at least hundred people, or maybe more, I lost count. I felt a hand on my shoulder and there stood three men wearing the same shirt as me.

"Came just in time." The man smiled, "So, are you ready for some fun?"

"Well, yeah," I replied, "that's what I came here for."

The men took me over to a silo and there were at least four more people inside. They greeted me in, and what I saw, really blew me away. There were rounds and rounds of cat cages, and inside were almost 13 frightened cats, meowing in a heart-wrenching way.

There in the middle of the silo was a man in his twenties, I can tell he's in college because he looked like one of those jocks who play college football. He greeted me with a firm handshake.

"You're the new guy they told me about, good to see ya, name's Blake." He said, "Why don't ya have a seat in the haystacks, you're gonna love this."

I can tell the meeting's just starting, as they all sat down on similar haystacks. He then pulled out something in a black suitcase.

"Ladies and gentlemen, behold!" He pulled out a bizarre device that looked as if it belonged to one of those Saw movies, "The Cat Carrier!"

The people clapped in approval, but me, I just looked in disbelief. As in tranced as I was, I couldn't help but think, did he make this, or bought it online from an expert engineer?

Blake continued, "Whether you have an exuberant 'Tom' or just a kitten, you need our new Tabby Tote feline transportation system. A few extra turns of the stabilizer screw and your cat will be safely secured and unable to use your leg as a scratching post."

Me and the other C.H.O.W members looked on as Blake went over to one of the frightened cats, a Sphynx, pull it out of the cage as it fought for it's life, placed it's face in the muzzle, and the next thing I know, the screw went inside the cat's ass, like screwing in a cork in a wine bottle! Blood immediately began to flow, and the silo was filled with the sounds of the cat's screams. The members didn't run, they just watched, calmly, like they wanted to actually see the rest.

"A thoughtful, but an expensive way, to mold your special cat into a well-mannered creature God intended." Blake joked.

I was shocked...

I knew becoming a member of a cat hating group would make my life easier, but, I didn't expect this. I didn't expect members to promote torture and animal cruelty in real life, and I was having a front row seat to the whole spectacle!

One of the members raised his hand, "How much will it cost?"

"About $16.49." He replied.

I shook my head, and noticed that my stomach was twisting and turning like the ocean. I felt queasy and was sweating. I literally felt like vomiting at some point. I watched as he took the cat off the nightmarish device, now the screw having crimson red liquid oozing off of the tip.

And he did the same with the next, and the other, and the other, till about five or eight cats were laying on the ground bleeding from their wounds! I couldn't take it anymore I vomited on the floor! I don't know if I can feel their pain or not, but if that's the case, I don't know what is! As I gagged and coughed, some members put his hand on my back and rubbed it.

"Heh, guess he's not used to see blood." one of the members laughed.

I wanted out of here, I wanted out as fast as I could, but my fear is keeping me stuck to one location. I don't know if these sick bastards are doing this to fuck with other cat lovers or just some insanity that's going on, but I have no other option but to decline my membership and throw it in the garbage!

I never got on that site again, and made me think about the consequences of bashing cats till the cows come home. Now I began to slowly transform into a cat lover, and became very protective of my new pet. Because of that night in the silo, with those fucking diseased maniacs.

I already called authorities, but nothing came up, no evidence of any animal cruelty, no sign of criminal activity, nothing. All they could find is the blood on the ground. And they tested it, and it was cat's blood. A large amount, almost to the extend of being a puddle.

How in the ever loving fuck did they manage to get rid of all of the evidence in one night? I have no goddamn clue, but during my investigation, I noticed that they don't advertise their merchandise on TV, but the internet. For some reason, they want to be as shady as possible. A scummy way of going out.

I never wanted to ever see any cats, including my own, to be hurt, abused, and tormented in any shape and form, because of what C.H.O.W did as a means to wipe out a whole feline race. For what reason?! I'll tell you, they're nothing but self-centered, ignorant, destructive, pieces of shit. A spit in the face of every cat lover to have ever walked the Earth. They use Toxoplasma Gondii as a fucking tool to brainwash people to abuse their cats. And they're flat-out sociopaths.

And I will not get rid of my cat, cause I know they'll kidnap it, and use whatever torture method they can. I'll never let my cat go, and I'll never will.

Author's Note:

I made this around 2018 on Reddit because I was very pissed off with everyone, and stumbling across this site made me physically sick!

I'm sorry if this was too intense or too cliched to be on this site, but cut me some slack, I was angry and needed something to fuel my rage. Here's the link to the actual site itself, and yes, C.H.O.W. is actually real. If your easily triggered by this stuff like I am, I do NOT recommend you clicking on it, it will literally turn you into the Angry German Kid. Like I said, I'm sorry if it was cliched and way too harsh with animals, I was just pissed off and needed a chill pill. It was made in 2017 so it's likely gonna suck (like the rest of my work). Hope you guys give me much credit where credit is do, and hopefully nobody comes after me with pitchforks and torches.

Actual C.H.O.W. website -> http://www.chowmember.com/