"RETIRED" - A SpongeBob Lost Episode (A Grimdark Fiction by Peter Griffin of Quahog)

Okay, to begin with this little tale I'll be telling you, just sit back, relax, grab your junk food, and listen. Because...this is gonna be rather of an interesting one, to put it this way. My name is Alex, I'm going to start off with a certain topic. A topic known as a familiar face we all know and love. It is the 1999 to 2019 long running animated series named SpongeBob SquarePants.

I know, I know, I get that Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants, had recently died last year. I was VERY unlucky the other day, because of the fact that my eyes and mind ingested what appeared to be an unreleased episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, so allow me to tell you all about it. I've been driving to work and back to the house to pay my bills, do my chores, and cook my own food. I sat on the sofa, thinking about all of the pain about being an adult. But then...something sparkled into my brain.

A piece of information that I should just enjoy watching a little cartoon. I've always loved cartoons, especially as a kid. My favorite animated series out of all of them I've watched was SpongeBob SquarePants.

With a gentle smile on my face and a few tears of joy streaming down my cheeks, I would turn my television on, and looked for a channel full of cartoons and nothing else. Only cartoons, and always cartoons. I welcomed my childhood back to my mind, and never wanted to let go of it. Inside, deep down inside myself, I hugged my childhood. I had an AMAZING childhood. I played lots of sports with my dad, laughing and playing with my friends with our skateboards, and to my happiness, cartoons; when SpongeBob SquarePants wasn't released just yet.

It was until 1999 when I just discovered the cartoon itself. When it was on, I instantly fell in love with it, and my love for this cartoon had never even bothered to die off. Back to the present, I couldn't find any interesting cartoons to watch.

I switched the channel to Nickelodeon to see if SpongeBob SquarePants was on. But, I was caught off-guard when I saw that The Loud House was on. I grew bored of the channel flipping, as I turned my television off and lay the remote down. I sat on the couch, for what felt like minutes, hours, or even an eternity. I checked my watch, and saw it was 3:06 PM.

I instantly had an idea. I looked outside, and saw a little parking lot with a yard sale, full of boxes, toys, and such. I stepped outside, and meandered over to the yard sale, with a very kind young lady running it. I greeted the woman and took my pick. There I saw, was a DVD cartridge with SpongeBob box-art, claiming it has lots of full episodes. Seeming like it was good enough to purchase, I took out my wallet, and gave the lady a decent amount of money. I took my change, and returned to my shelter. As soon as I turned on my television, things went outlandish, and unusual.

The selection screen was an underwater view, the background was in black and white, with a few bubbles that read the following..."Episode Selection", "Meet the Staff", and "Extras". I selected the first option, and the television took me to an image of SpongeBob's face, with episodes like Rock Bottom, Karate Choppers, Naughty Nautical Neighbors, Employee of the Month, I Was a Teenage Gary, SB-129, and Squid's Visit. Then I saw an episode title with no image called "RETIRED".

This left a confusion bubble in my mind, for that I had the opportunity to start it up. Once I did, the first thing I knew was just a black screen. Then it cut to a view of Bikini Bottom. No intro. This was really weird, so I watched it. The camera faded into bubble to SpongeBob's house. There wasn't any music, and it showed the interior of the pineapple house.

The living room, the kitchen, and the bathroom were the first things I see before I even saw SpongeBob. They were dirty, dusty, and ruined. Then it showed SpongeBob's room, and the first character seen was SpongeBob. He woke up from bed, with crusty eyes filled with eye boogers. He rubbed them off, and put his clothes on, ready for work. He ran outside, saying his famous phrase, "I'm ready!" in a loop until he arrived to the Krusty Krab. Once he got there, he greeted Squidward, his grumpy, ill-tempered neighbor, at the cash register as usual.

SpongeBob served up as many orders as possible, just laughing with pleasure to see as much happy customers as possible.

Suddenly, when the camera zoomed out when SpongeBob exits the kitchen, he saw that the customers were gone. His happy expression wasn't as happy when he saw what went wrong. Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob's boss, would start chewing him out obnoxiously.

Squidward joined Mr. Krabs as he chewed him out as well, making SpongeBob more and more sad. Mr. Krabs ordered SpongeBob to leave the Krusty Krab, as he had forlornly left the two double doors. He turned to the camera and said:

"Don't you just hate it when this just happens to you?"

This in particular, was relatable, but luckily, I still have my sweet, awesome job. The episode continued on with SpongeBob going into town, and for some reason, everyone started to act very friendly towards him. This cheered him up a smidge. Feeling pleased, he became social with the people of the town. As I thought the episode could get any better...boy, was I ever incorrect.

The people of Bikini Bottom, started to fade away slowly. SpongeBob would look around cautiously of what's happening. Once they disappeared, SpongeBob fell to his knees, and started crying softly. Still no music, only what sounded like a church bell striking 12 o'clock. He lay flat on the ground, crying in emotional agony. This went on for what felt like several minutes, listening to that heartbreaking sob of SpongeBob's.

The usual bubbles that transition through one scene to another, would make me glue my eyes to a different scene. This time, the scene contained a very lonely SpongeBob walking all the way back to where his house is. SpongeBob walked up to Patrick's rock, and he would knock on the rock. Nothing happened. So, he squeezes himself under the rock as an attempt to find Patrick.

Either he could be sitting on his sand couch, watching television, or just doing whatever Patrick does. However, what I was expecting wasn't what I wanted it to be. When SpongeBob found Patrick, he was nothing but a rotting pile of bones and dry, dead flesh. SpongeBob's tear glands releases more tears due to the death of his friend. He leaves the rock and goes to see Squidward.

He calls out to Squidward, with a depressed tone, mumbling "S-Squidward...?" SpongeBob stepped front inside of the interior of the tiki house. Squidward was there, with the cynical expression of his face. He emotionlessly asked SpongeBob what he wanted from him, then the camera cuts to SpongeBob, who informs Squidward that nobody else was there to be around him.

Squidward would facepalm, and he just tell SpongeBob to leave his house, and go see if Gary is wanting to play. SpongeBob followed the order, and this is when things got real weird as SpongeBob stepped foot into his home. He checked around for Gary, only to find his shell. He looked inside.

Gary was NOT in the shell. The screen faded to darkness with just a plain white text in a normal font. "2 hours later..." SpongeBob went into his bedroom, and he just laid down on his back, on the bed. He stared at the ceiling anxiously, with visible tears in his eyes.

"Could this day get any worse?" SpongeBob asked himself, and boy, things DID get worse as time gradually went by.

The only music heard in the background was a low-pitched, ambient, humming tune as SpongeBob lay in his bed somberly for a good 30 seconds. He sat up, and faced the camera with a miserable look on his face. He faced away, as he would go straight downstairs, and walked out of the pineapple house. He had enclosed eyes, with tears streaming down his cheeks. The screen transitioned through bubbles to show the Krusty Krab. And for some reason, it looked just off. The clam pole was broken, with the top part missing and snapped off, and the treasure chest shaped restaurant itself looked moldy and uncolored.

The camera fades into the interior of the Krusty Krab. The double doors would open, revealing a square shadow. SpongeBob stepped into the restaurant, as the camera cut to show his face. He had no sign of any expression or emotion. The screen suddenly began to flicker like an old VHS tape, for some reason, causing it to show SpongeBob standing in a dark corner with a dimly lit lightbulb above him. He stared down at the wooden floor, just crying hopelessly due to the loneliness he's not used to coping with.

This lasted for a good few minutes, as SpongeBob just sat hopelessly in the same corner after he stood there for a decent amount of time. He looked outside of the window, as the camera cut the window he was staring outside from. Outside of the left side of the Krusty Krab was a dark figure. The figure was a shadowy humanoid whose identity remains unknown, and it was twitching immensely, followed by the sound of a loud, droning buzz in the background.

The figure would screech loudly, making the episode cut to red static for at least 5 seconds, before returning to the scene with SpongeBob sitting in the same corner he was sitting in before. This time, he was barefoot, and his feet caused to push holes into the front side of the box. His eyes were bloodshot, crusty, and there are visible eye boogers. Dark blood and feces were on the walls and floor, and next to SpongeBob was a rotting, bloated corpse of Sandy Cheeks, and behind him was the dark humanoid creature.

I almost GAGGED when I saw that scene, just about ready to cough up vomit. I desperately tried to hold it back, but I couldn't I threw up on the floor, because the scene was just THAT nauseating and unpleasant to look at in general.

A red claw appeared on-screen, presumably Mr. Krabs's, because it looked too similar, and it was too dark to see what kind of color it was. Once the claw was completely in shot, the screen started to glitch like crazy before it cuts to a close-up of SpongeBob's face.

The shot showed his face going into a gasping fit for water, which I might add, that sea animals cannot breathe air. Maybe it was the claw forcing SpongeBob out of the water, and it restrained him, not even letting him move around or go back into the water. The scene just focused on SpongeBob's face, gasping for water.

For a split-second, the shot showed the island where the intro pans down into the water, and to show SpongeBob's house was scene, only it was just in black and white, then it showed SpongeBob's face, showing him just still suffering. SpongeBob stopped thrashing around and gasping, only causing him to stop breathing, his tongue hang out of his mouth, and roll his eyes into the back of his head.

The camera got back into the shot of the Krusty Krab, and it showed the Employee of the Month board. The screen zoomed into a picture frame of SpongeBob, with black marker scribbled all over his eyes.

Under the picture frame, read "RETIRED." And then...fade...to a black screen with white text.

"SpongeBob, you're fired!"

The screen cut to a still shot of a dark room with Mr. Krabs, cracking a wide, menacing grin on his face. On the wall, was SpongeBob's suffocated, and dried out corpse. His eyes were closed, and his arms were nailed against the right side of where Mr. Krabs was standing. Then, the screen faded to pitch black of nothingness, and darkness.

The episode ended shortly afterwards, as I turned off the television, ejected the disc, put it back into the DVD box from where it came from. I closed the box, and I just put it right under the television screen. I sat on the couch for a few good minutes, just wondering what I had even just watched. What have my eyes even ingested?

I rubbed my eyes, trying to get these images out of my head. They were just THAT traumatizing. That's all I know, and I can't tell you anything else. Who knows what would happen to the DVD box? I'll have to keep it hidden at all costs. And no, I can't show you any screenshots because I don't even have a camera.

Goodbye. This is Alex, signing out. I have to go to work, and thank you...for your time.