Teletubbies: The Playground

Some people may remember the TV show "Teletubbies". It was a rather weird show, and generally disturbing. Speakers were everywhere and there was a sun with a baby's face on it, plus a scary segment involving a lion and a bear which was edited after complaints.

Today I went to my local HMV. The store clerk had recently gotten a pre-owned DVD. It said "Teletubbies Lost Episode: The Playground". The clerk said to me that the customer who sold it was extremely upset, he said that he did not want to watch it anymore. I bought it anyway, despite the warnings about the upset customer.

I slammed it into my DVD player. It skipped the BBC Logo, and went straight to the intro. Everything was okay at first. The intro was normal until the speaker that was supposed to say "Time for Teletubbies" said something disturbing instead.

"Life is not about anything, it is the consequence."

I thought that was rather weird for a kids TV show.

It started with Tinky Winky, sitting at the table. He was rather sad and depressed, and he was crying. Not like cartoon crying, but actual real human crying. It skipped to another scene. It depicted a rather CGI looking playground, with a climbing frame that looked like the Teletubbies' house. Whoever made the CGI was rather crap at it. It was all wireframe. But then a sickening scene appeared.

There were two children, but they were committing seppuku. Blood was stained everywhere, along with realistic looking intestines and organs scattered across the ground. I hurled in the bathroom from this. Then I came back out and a final phrase from the Tubby-Bye-Bye speaker was spoken.

'Life is meaningless. The truth is that you are all going to die from a horrifying death. No one understands it.'

A nuclear bomb then hit Teletubbyland. The sun baby was crying, rather than its normal happy face, its face was soaked in blood.

After that, a picture of the playground appeared, with the Teletubbies hanging on gallows. Blood was seeping from their necks as they died. Behind them was the Teletubbies home on flames. And the baby sun from before, but it was bleeding, of course. I vomited again, this time onto my duvet.

After that the scene cut to the ending credits. But at the end, instead of the Ragdoll logo, there was a message that I couldn't understand, but what looked like either Russian or Ukranian.

I turned it off and rang up Ragdoll about the episode. They said that they had 237 complaints and that it was worse than the "lion and bear" episode. They also said there was a man who worked on it called Christian Johnson.

He had a friend who went to a playground, but apparently he was on drugs and was depressed to the point of committing suicide. He was a CGI artist, but he never got to complete the episode because progress was halted when Ragdoll found out what it was. It was, by mistake, sent to the BBC. They aired it without realizing the content.

After just 5 minutes of the episode, complaints started ringing in. Parents said it was disturbing for their children and BBC took it off air immediately. Christian killed himself after the BBC aired it. Fearing that life is not about anything and that it is consequence. After hearing this, I ripped up the disc and smashed it. I couldn't sleep for the whole night. I've had nightmares about it for weeks.

The next morning, the doorbell rang. A man dressed up as a bloodstained Teletubby appeared, and said his name was Ted Goldman, the same person who worked on Pingu's Punishment.