South park its time to grow up

This fucking show, holy shit where the hell do I begin? I guess I should just introduce myself, my name is Sarah , I’m 27 and live with my girlfriend Alexandra. We both work at comedy central, which by the way those applications were a hassle to complete and or get. I’m currently in my house typing this onto  my laptop, my girlfriend left to go see family , so its just me here. What was I talking about again?? Oh yeah, south park. It’s the networks spongebob in a way, as it makes dollar signs appear in the eyes of other comedy central executives. As of now, it’s ratings have gone down the gutter , which is understandable because this thing has been around since the 80s. One little incident happened in the production of the 21th season, and guess who got involved? Me and Alexandra! That’s right!

It was another boring morning for me and Alexandra, get up , go to work , the usual routine. We got coffee and headed to our usual areas, occasionally striking a conversation with another person. Our job was to look at test screenings for episodes of tv shows. Mainly south park cause like I said, it’s this networks cash cow. Matt and trey said they were going to try and go off the ten episode per season formula, which interested me. After a couple of hours of usual stuff, it was time for the test screening. Me and Alexandra began going to the “ testing room”. “ what do you think this episode is about?” Alexandra asked.

In response, I shrugged. “ probably a message about trolls or something, I don’t know.” I said as we walked into the testing room and sat down side by side. Matt and trey were right in front of the large table with other workers. “ what’s this about parker?” I asked aloud. “ its probably another message about online trolls Sarah, don’t even try and guess.” A worker said. “aw come on, they have something under their sleeves , it’ll probably be exciting!” I said to the worker with a slight laugh. Matt had been busy chuckling. “ you guys are funny, but it’s not going to be about trolls.” Trey said for matt. I raised an eyebrow.

“ well, why don’t you go ahead and show us!” Alexandra said with a smile. Matt shut on the tv and the episode began. Ah the intro was music to my ears, hearing the banjo and all that. After the intro ended, it cut to the school and the flag waving in the wind. “ alright kids, who can tell me how to turn this fraction into a decimal?” A voice asked as it cut to the classroom , where an Asian woman was seen pointing at the chalkboard. “you need to divide the fraction.” Craig suddenly said. “ very good Craig!” the teacher said as she began writing on the chalkboard again, after that little scene , it cut to everyone at lunch. “ hey fellas, how come Kyle and Eric aren’t here?” Butters asked. “ well from what we know, Kyles sick , but cartman-“ Stan cut himself off by shrugging.

“ he’s probably home crying since Heidi broke up with him.’ Token said as Kenny nodded in agreement. “ He deserved to get a good smack across the face after what he did, I mean he made us think Heidi was some terrible person.” Stan said. “ well he turned her into one, and by that I mean he turned her into him.” Craig chimed in. ‘ I think me and stan should at least check on him after school, Considering the fact that he is still our friend.’ Kenny said through his parka. Stan just nodded in agreement, not giving much of an answer. “ I don’t know how Kyle would feel about it though.” Stan said. “ he needs to rest stan, we’ll talk to him when he’s feeling better.” Kenny said back.

A voice suddenly came onto the cafeteria intercom. “ Stanley marsh and Kenneth mccormick, please report the principals office.” It was pc principal , Kenny and stan cringe , thinking they might have done something wrong as they get up and make their way to the principals office. When they get there, stan and kennys parents were sitting in chairs , and Mr Mackey was standing next to Pc principals desk. “ sit down boys.” Pc principal said. Doing as told, the two boys sit down in extra chairs pulled up for them. “ what’s going on mom?” Kenny asked. Kenny’s mom didn’t say anything, she was just looking down. “mom..?” Kenny asked again. “Your friend, Eric cartman was found dead in his bedroom earlier today , his mom found him lying in his own pool of blood.”Mr Mackey said. Those words hit stan and Kenny like a train wreck, Kenny tightening the hood of his parka as stan tried to process everything.

“ we understand this is a very difficult time for you.” Pc principal said. “ yeah…I mean, cartman was our friend , we didn’t think he was being serious when he said he was going to do it…we thought he was only doing it just to scare Heidi into taking him back…Don’t be mad at us..” Stan managed to get out. “ oh Stanley, we aren’t mad at you..” Sharon said. “We’re going to have to break the news to Kyle aren’t we?” Kenny asked, loosening his parka hood. “ unfortunately..” Pc principal sighed. After this scene, it cut to Kyle’s house with stan , Kenny , and their mothers knocking on the door , Kenny having his hood down. Eventually, Sheila answered the door. “ oh, Sharon , boys , how are you today?” Sheila asked. “ can we talk to Kyle, please?” Stan asked back.

Sheila nodded and opened the door fully. “ he’s up in his room.” Sheila said. The parents walked in and went to go talk to Sheila, while stan and Kenny went upstairs to Kyle’s room , finding him in bed coughing his heart out. He didn’t hear his bedroom door open. “ hey Kyle..” Stan said. Kyle eventually took notice to his two friends standing in the doorway and stopped coughing. “ oh hey.. What’s up?” Kyle asked, noticing the sad looks on his friends faces. “You know how cartman kept saying he would kill himself if Heidi didn’t take him back..?” Kenny asked back. Kyle just nodded. He suddenly realized what his friends were alluding to and gained a shocked look. “ he.. he actually-“ Kyle got cut off by stan nodding. Kyle sat up and buried his face in his hands. “ holy fucking shit…” Kyle muttered. Since Kyle was sick, stan and Kenny kept their distance. “we didn’t think he would actually do it..” stan said. “ Face it stan, were petty killers..” Kyle muttered.

I remembered the whole little “if you break up with me I will kill myself” thing, and like the boys, I didn’t think cartman was Gonna actually do it either. My body wanted me to get up from my seat, get Alexandra and just go home, but if I did , we were both going to get scolded and fired. I looked over at Alexandra, she had her head down and was shaking. Something I didn’t mention was that Alexandra had lost her ex to suicide, so this episode is getting to her. I looked back up at the tv and continued to watch the episode, while at the same time comforting my girlfriend. The town of south park had gone to Eric’s funeral, the whole scene was just silent , besides the pastor reading off a funeral speech. It then cut to the three boys at cartman’s house, just sitting in his empty bedroom.

Kyle had gotten up and was picking up a bit, when he suddenly found something under cartman’s bed. It was a crumpled up piece of paper. “ Kyle what are you doing?” Stan asked. “ i..i found something.” Kyle said as he sat back down on the bed and began fixing the paper. Looking at what the paper said, it looked like a suicide note. Kenny took the paper from Kyle and began reading the note:

My dearest friends and mother, 

''If you found this note then that means you also found my dead body lying on the floor of my room. You’re probably crying your eyes out right now, but please don’t cry over what I did , cause in a way , I did everyone a favor. In fact you should be celebrating my death. Think about it, I did a lot of terrible things in the past , things that could require jailtime. And you all should know what I did to Heidi.. ''

''Speaking of her.. Heidi, listen , if you find this , or if my friends show this to you then.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I’m sorry I hurt you and controlled you, that’s not what a good boyfriend does. A good boyfriend treats their girlfriend or boyfriend with love, respect , and give them the attention they deserve. As for my friends, Kyle , I’m sorry I kept making fun of you and your heritage , Kenny I’m sorry for insulting your family , and stan.. I’m sorry I kept making fun of your lifestyle and your relationship with Wendy.''

''Consider this a giant ass apology to you. You guys are better off without me anyway, especially since I drove Kyle to bomb Toronto. ''

''This may seem selfish, but it isn’t. its my gift. ''

''I’ll see you guys in the afterlife. –''

Eric cartman 

A sudden thud snapped me out of the trance I had fallen into. I looked down at the floor and saw Alexandra having a panic attack. A severe one at that. The tv was off and trey was tending to her along with other workers, while matt was on the phone with 911. “shit.” I said as I got up from my seat, and  got the other people and trey away from my girlfriend. “back up ! give her space!” I said. Alexandra got up and instantly wrapped her arms around me, crying her eyes out. “breath In through your nose, out your mouth.” I said as I walked Alexandra outside. My attempts to calm her down had very little success though as I heard sirens.