Discarded Project

It was around 1997-present, South Park became a popular show on Comedy Central. It goes around with four main characters, like Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick. The show had a lot of swearing, sexual nature and violence. South Park’s movie, Bigger, Longer and uncut was produced in 1999. The first episode of season 1 seemed like a classic. It evolved with Eric Cartman getting an anal probe up his butt and he didn’t realize it at all. It was used with stop-motion construction paper.

And we didn’t even realize the difference between it. Trey Parker and Matt Stone has got something serious about the episode. It’s the unreleased original version. The video started it off with the simple FBI warning screen. Which tells you about copyright infringement and criminal penalties. It cuts to the Warner Home Video logo. Yeah, I always notice that South Park and the movie itself could’ve been made by Warner Bros. since the show as produced to Comedy Central. Then it faded to the intro. This time, it’s different. It started off with the guy playing the banjo just like in the final intro. And the music was seemed to be the music that was used in the credits of every South Park episode.

The guy playing the banjo was walking down a road of South Park. In the background, it showed the clip from Jesus vs. Santa. Which is that Spirit of Christmas short from 1995. The guy started singing the theme song and even some main characters like Stan, Kyle, Eric and Kenny popped out on screen singing. Credits were shown during the theme song. After Stan and Kyle sang, it showed up Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo bouncing around on screen. But this time, he looks different. Mr. Hankey was wearing a white hat, not a Christmas one. Also, his face. His eyes are like the characters, but not those eyes that are like from old cartoons. He appeared to be his original form. Chef appeared dancing to the theme song after Cartman sang. And then three pink bunny rabbits as well after Kenny sang. The intro ended with a rainbow in the background.

Now the episode started with the four main characters at the bus stop singing the school day song. It’s exactly liked the final version with the same construction paper animation. Then Ike, Kyle’s baby brother appears. Kyle was very pissed off since his little brother tries to follow him to school. When Ike says “Eat banana” just like in the final episode. There is something uncut to that line what Ike is saying. Once Ike said “eat” and there is another inaudible word before he said “banana”. It sounded a lot like “throat” or something. Then this scene went pretty fine, to say the least. Just like when Cartman called his brother a dildo and Stan want to know what a dildo is.

Kyle swings Ike at Cartman after he said: “Yeah, that’s what Kyle’s little brother is, all right.”. Stan said that Kyle’s little brother kicks ass. Then Kyle offers to kick the baby when Ike says “Don’t kick the baby” and get kicked and lands under four mailboxes, as they fell. Cartman yawns that he didn’t even get any sleep last night, because of his nightmares. Kyle and the others want to know what Cartman’s dream was. It was the one where Cartman gets taken by aliens and gives him an anal probe, but it’s much more darker and unnerving.

It showed the aliens getting an anal probe on Cartman, but it was showing the direction where it shows Cartman’s butt. It was disturbing and painful for mature audiences. After Cartman’s dream talk, Stan realized that was not a dream and it could be visitors. Cartman said that it’s just a dream because his mother said so. Stan said that visitors are real. Kyle said that the alien visitors abduct people and mutilate cows. Then Cartman tells them to shut up because they tried to make him scared. Then Chef appeared driving his car.

Chef gets out of the car saying his usual “Hello there, Children” quote just like in the final and the other episodes. Then the four boys say hi to him. Stan asks Chef about what’s for lunch today. Chef said that today it’s Salisbury steak with buttered noodles and a choice of green bean casserole or vegetable medley. Then Cartman said “Kickass.” as he heard Chef. Chef asked the boys that they saw the alien spaceship last night. Cartman was god smacked. Kyle said that he saw it by calling him fat. Cartman said that it’s just a dream and hated being called fat and said that he’s big-boned. Some of the parts went normal, to say the least. Chef drove away after he told the boys to watch Cartman that he’s under alien control. Then the school bus appeared. Kyle doesn’t want his little brother to come to school with him. Then Kyle kicks Ike at the school bus and got out throw the window.

Stan says good morning to Miss Crabtree the school bus driver. This time, she looked more aggressive as ever. Her face was roasting with anger and her eyes are bulging, looking like they are about to pop out. Miss Crabtree screamed at Stan saying “Shut up and sit down right now because we’re running late! If we ran late, you are so done for!”. Her voice was extremely loud and barrable to hear. Then the bus drove off, leaving Ike behind the bus stop. Kyle realized that his little brother was still there, thinks that something happens to him and he would get blamed on by his parents. Miss Crabtree screams at Kyle to sit down in an aggressive way.

Stan said whatever to Miss Crabtree by calling her a fat bitch. Miss Crabtree didn’t say “What did you say!?”, but she said “How dare you call me that! You are so done mister-“ and it was cut off by Stan, shouting that he had a bad itch. Then Miss Crabtree said “Oh!”. Kyle looked out the window in shock at the scene. It was the two aliens grabbing Ike. He didn’t even say nothing at this point. He was whining for help and it was barrable to hear at this scene. Stan screamed “Visitors!” and Kenny numbles in alarm. Kyle screamed Ike’s name and runs to Miss Crabtree to stop the bus. Kyle tells Miss Crabtree to stop the bus at once.

Crabtree screams in anger, but it wasn’t the office referral thing. She said “What the hell do you think you’re doing!? You were supposed to be sitting down immediately!”.

“My little brother was taken by the visitors.” said Kyle.

“I don’t care about your little stupid brother! Sit down right now!” yelled Miss Crabtree.

“But my parents are gonna blame me if my little brother was taken!” said Kyle.

“Well your little brother will be dead so you can’t help him! Sit down!” yelled Miss Crabtree.

“Whatever!” said Kyle in a pissed off manner as he walks back to the seat where Stan’s at.

“It’s hopeless.” said Kyle.

“I hope nothing happens to your little brother,” said Stan.

Cartman doesn’t seem to care that Kyle’s little brother disappeared. Then it cuts to an alien spaceship, flying out of earth. And then it showed the cattle ranch scene. The cow’s bloodied skeleton corpse was there as well. The farmer told Officer Barbrady about how it happened at the cattle ranch. It went normal, to be honest. After the scene, it cuts to the classroom at school, where Mr. Garrison told the kids that his right-hand puppet friend, Mr. Hat going to tell everyone about Christopher Columbus. Kyle was worried that his little brother was gone and get blamed on by his parents. Kyle asked Mr. Garrison to be excused from class because of his little brother was abducted by aliens. Mr. Garrison ask Kyle that he asked Mr. Hat. Kyle doesn’t want to ask him, but he was asking Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison told Kyle to ask him. Kyle asked Mr. Hat that he could be excused from class, but he didn’t believe him.

“No! I don’t care that your little brother was abducted by aliens or any silly crap! You also go to hell, like your little brother when the aliens mutilate him! You go to hell and you die!” yelled Mr. Hat.

Mr. Garrison told Kyle that he could take his seat. Kyle said “Damnit!” in worried frustration. Eric Cartman laughed at Kyle that Mr. Hat yelled at him. Cartman farted fire, trying to burn the school down. All the children in this classroom are shocked at this scene. Stan said that the anal probe was shooting fire from Cartman’s rectum. Cartman said that it’s just a dream. Mr. Garrison tells Cartman that he could sit in the corner until his flaming gas was under control. Cartman answered Mr. Garrison that he’s fine. Then Cartman farted fire at Pip Pirrip.

This scene is much more unsettling to watch. Pip was screaming in pain as the flames took over him, burning alive with his flesh melting, killing him. The kids and Mr. Garrison started panicking as they escape the classroom while the flames filled up the entire room until the cows that can’t get on the people train. After the scene when the cows ran away from Barbrady. The four boys were in the dining room at school, where they eat. Then Stan finally met Wendy Testaburger. When Wendy tries to talk to Stan, He throws up just like in the final episode. She gets pissed off that his vomit was stained on her coat.

“Ew! What the hell, Stan!? You vomit on my shirt when I tried to talk to you. This means I don’t like you, Stan.” said Wendy as she walks away.

“But it was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it” said Stan in a worried manner.

“[chuckles] Heart-broken! Am I right, Stan?” said Cartman.

“Shut the hell up, fatass!” said Stan aggressively.

“I’m not fat, you vomiting pervert!” said Cartman angerly.

“Everyone, shut up! We have to get out of this school immediately! We have to get my little brother back!” said Kyle furiously.

As the four wondered off to Chef. Chef said his usual greeting just like the final and every other episode. During the boy’s conversation with Chef, Cartman let out a big fart of fire burning the entire dining room just like the scene from the classroom, where Pip Pirrip was burnt to death. Chef said that Cartman’s anal probe was out of control. All the kids started panicking around the burning dining room. Chef pulled down the fire alarm and screamed “Fire drill, fire drill! Let’s get out of there immediately! Hurry, children, we’re roasting here!”.

The four boys got out of school, so they would get Kyle’s little brother back from the aliens. Cartman told Kyle to stop going on about his little brother, Ike. Cartman repeatedly said that it’s just a dream, never had an anal probe and not under alien control. Well in this version, Cartman didn’t get zapped by the aliens, making him sing and dance with rosy red cheeks and old cartoon fashioned eyes with eyelashes as well. Cartman continues blabbering about that there’s no such thing as aliens until the alien spaceship appears.

Stan realizes that the alien spaceship appeared and Kyle throws a rock at it, telling them to give his little brother back. The rock hits it and it lasered at Kenny. In the final, the spaceship shot Kenny with its laser causing him to be thrown onto the road where he gets ran over my cows and a police car, Barbrady was driving, killing him. In this version, Kenny exploded. As blood and body parts splattered everywhere. It seems pretty funny, but rather unusual and graphic. This is what the South Park series had… Gruesome content. two boys, Stan and Kyle said their usual quotes during the death gag of Kenny.

“Oh my god, they killed Kenny!” said Stan.

“You bastards, come back here right now so I can have my goddamn brother back! Come back!” screamed Kyle.

The alien spaceship flew off just like in the final episode.

“Damnit, we were so close!” said Kyle.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen to your little brother.” said Stan in a confused way.

“Well, nice try scaring me! You know that there’s no such thing as aliens and I don’t have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I’m going home!” said Cartman in a pissed off manner.

“Yeah, go home so I could have my little brother dead, you fat piece of shit!” swore Kyle.

It cuts to Cartman going home to his mother. Cartman doesn’t want his powdered donut pancake surprise. Then his mother asked Cartman that he could have nice chocolate chicken pot pie and Cheesy Poofs. Cartman agrees with his mother that he could have one. Then it cuts to Stork’s Pond where Stan and Kyle were at. Stan notice that she could be here. Wendy appears looking furious.

“Oh, you could be the one who is trying to say sorry that you throw up on me!” said Wendy.

“I’m very sorry, Wendy! I can’t help-“ Stan was cut off with him throwing up all over Wendy as she screams and runs away.

It cuts to Cartman watching TV at home, not even eating his pot pie. The TV showed the live news reporter talking about the UFO sightings and crop circle patterns that looks a lot like Eric Cartman. Cartman said that it kind of looks like Tom Selleck as he was not believing everything about the alien visitors and his anal probe, said that it’s just a dream he had, but it’s not. Then kitty, Cartman’s annoying cat appears, meowing at Cartman for is pot pie, but he won’t let him/her. Kitty continues bothering Cartman for his pot pie. Cartman tells his mother that kitty is being a dildo. His mother didn’t appear in this version, not even believing him. It’s like she went out to the shop or something. Cartman was furious.

Then it cuts back to Stork’s Pond, where Kyle talks to Stan if they could find Kyle’s brother, Ike.

“It’s hopeless, Kyle.” Said Stan sadly.

“If he was dead while missing, I’ll be grounded by my parents.” said Kyle.

“Wait, how did your little brother got out of your house, trying to follow you to school?” Stan asked.

“I don’t know…” Kyle answered.

It cuts back to Cartman’s house. Kitty was still bothering Cartman that he/she could have his pot pie. Cartman accidentally farted fire at kitty as he shouts. Kitty was running around the living room, screaming helplessly. He/she even set everything in the house on fire, knocking them over. It goes over the kitchen, burning everything as well. Then the flames took over kitty, burning his/her fur and flesh, killing her. Just like what happened to Pip Pirrip during the classroom scene. It’s very unnerving to see like a pet animal die on screen.

“Uh, mom?” said Cartman in a neutral way. “The entire living room is on fire!”

But Cartman’s mother was still nowhere to be seen.

“Oh my god, mom, seriously!?” screamed Cartman. “Alright, that does it!”

He got out of the house in frustration. Stan and Kyle appeared.

“Uh, Cartman?” asked Stan.

“What the hell do you assholes want!?” said Cartman.

“Cartman, your house is on fire!” said Kyle.

“I know! It must’ve been kitty’s fault who burned the house down!” said Cartman.

“It must’ve been your anal probe that set your house on fire!” said Stan.

“Shut up! I don’t have an anal probe!” yelled Cartman.

“You better come with me Cartman!” yelled Kyle.

“Damnit!” screamed Cartman.

Then it cuts to the field at night, where they use Cartman to fart fire and a giant satellite dish coming out of his ass. It’s just like from the final version, but Wendy wasn’t even seen since Stan throws up all over her just like at Stork’s Pond. When the UFO and the spaceships appear, something went out of the ordinary. Mr. Garrison and his puppet friend, Mr. Hat were at the red car looking out the field to see what’s going on, just like the final episode.

“What the… I tell you, there’s crazy stuff going on in this to-“ Mr. Garrison was cut off with a laser blowing up the red car, killing them. I know that is cliché to have like a character or main character die in a lost episode of a specific cartoon. Then something fell out from the big flying saucer... Ike’s decapitated corpse. Just like the cow from the cattle ranch scene, like in the final. First there was Pip Pirrip, then kitty, even then Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat, now Ike!? Kyle screamed at this, like he’s about to have a panic attack and rage.

“What the fuck have you done to my little brother!?” Kyle swore. “You killed him! Why the fuck did you have to kill my baby brother!? You dipshits know what you can do! You could mutilate people like innocent children, like my fucking little brother!”

When the cows appear, the alien said to the cows and even the boys that it was Carl’s fault for mutilating cows and even people. Carl was very sorry for all the purposes he made. Officer Barbrady appeared at this scene at night time.

“There you are, cows! You can run, but you can’t hi-“ Barbrady was cut off by getting ran over by the cows, getting him injured. Carl said that he accidentally lasered the car where Mr. Garrison and his puppet friend was in, blowing up into smithereens. Then the aliens left, going back to the ship. Cartman’s anal probe satellite dish slowly unbuilds itself into his ass. Then Cartman gets abducted with his anal probe farting fire, burning the rope that was on him. Cartman went up into the ship, yelling.

Kyle is worried that his little brother, Ike died. Stan asked Kyle,

"Is Wendy Testaburger still okay?"

Kyle said that she was hospitalized due to an illness. The illness could’ve been from Stan’s vomit. Kyle was in big trouble thinking that his little brother was killed. The episode ended with the normal credits. Not even showing a scene at the bus stop with Stan and Kyle. Even Eric Cartman falling from the sky with a pink eye. Everybody was confused and unnerved about what just happened in the original version of the first episode of season 1. Some people say that Ike was killed by the aliens. It could only lead one thing… Child cruelty.

It’s like where a child, like an infant being helplessly injured or killed. The aliens can never mutilate innocent people regarding children. Trey Parker and Matt Stone said that it’s very dark and unnerving due to all the chaos happened in this version of the episode. Pip Pirrip and kitty burning alive, getting the school and Cartman’s house on fire. Hell, the aliens even killed the school teacher with his right-hand puppet friend in the car by getting shot by a laser and explodes as well. At least it was an accident. And it even evolved around Wendy breaking up with Stan for throwing up on her and getting her an illness that’s much worse. What was the mysterious disappearance of Cartman’s mother?

The construction paper animation as pretty good, I could guarantee. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have to rewrite and redirect the episode to make it more heartfelt, calm, funny, no spoilers and less dark content. That’s all I have to say... About that godforsaken version of the first pilot episode.

Author’s note: Hi, I’m MeatBallTheCreativePerson2002 (AKA: MeatBallGaming). I’m sorry that I made you stressful about you reading this story. I had grammatical problems while using Microsoft Word. AutoCorrect saved me and I got anything correct at the point. It took me like two days to produce this. This was my first lost episode pasta on South Park. Thank you for reading this.