Tiny Toons: Love is Painful

If there was a show you loved as a kid, what was it? More importantly, what was one disturbing moment you remember from that show? This is what hit me out of pure curiosity, because as we all know, curiosity killed the cat.

Back in the early 1990's, there were many shows to watch, whether on public television or on VHS tapes. But the one show that was tops for me was a little show called Tiny Toon Adventures, which was somewhat produced by Warner Bros. as what some might consider a direct sequel to Looney Tunes. Sure, other kids would watch shows like Ren & Stimpy, or Earthworm Jim, but I never liked the gross-out humor that those shows produced, & everytime this show aired, I was usually at my TV, singing along to the theme. Heck, I also owned the NIntendo games & plushies of Buster & Babs, seeing as how they are my favorite characters on the show, even having a crush on Buster (even if he's got his own girl Babs to deal with).

Back in early '92, when I was 13 & the show was entering its third season, I was invited to Warner Bros. Studios by my dad so he could show me what he did at his job. My dad's job was to write down little jokes for the show, & the way he'd usually do that is that he'd have a small TV set in his office, so he could pull jokes off of what happened in the world at that time. His crew was to watch a new episode that was set to appear in season three, & he let me watch it after he was done. He handed me a tape that had TT S3 E3 labeled on the bottom. As he handed me the tape, he told me "Here you go Abigail; I asked them to record an episode for you. Now I'm going to help the others write a script for another episode." "Okay dad.", I said. As he left for the writers' room, I popped in the tape, & as usual the theme started up. Once the theme ended, the title card popped up. Now, learning more about television, they say that title cards are changed before the final episode is aired, ususally with an inside joke for the writers; one episode was originally called, "How to Get Looney Booty", instead of "Dating, Acme Acres Style (the one where Buster & Babs tell stories of dating). These jokes were usually aimed towards an adult audience, but this title card was...different.

The image showed Buster on the ground with a slit in his stomach, blood caking his distinctive red shirt. On the side of him was Fifi la Fume. Her eyes were gouged out of her face, leaving black eye sockets, blood leaking out. A figure was standing over them, wearing Mary Janes, which seemed both familiar & suspicious, & realizing it was Elmyra. I was starting to freak out, because this title card alone begged the question: why would she kill them? Elmyra loved animals, but she barely killed them, & usually it was loving them to death...literally. After braving over the card, the episode opened up to Acme Acres, with Fifi being chased by Elmyra. "Come back wittle skunky-wunky! I'm not going to hurt you!" A few chase scene gags later, Fifi managed to escape, Elmyra then retreated back to her house, crying. A transition card says "15 Minutes Later...", & zooms in on Elmyra, who, mysteriously, is still crying. But this crying was not cartoony crying; it was as if Cree Summer was reminded of a sad moment in her life, that broke her heart like a wrecking ball on the Hoover Dam. She then started scrunching her fingers, making a grimace, & removed her hands. Her eyes were now dripping tears of blood, & looked extremely angry. She then started speaking in some language that sounded like tongues & ended saying, in English, "If I can't have an animal to love, then I shall kill me one."

The next day, Elmyra walked out of her house. She didn't care to clean up the blood around her eyes, because they were now dried up. As she walked into Acme Park, she pulled out a carrot with a fuse inside of it. As she lit the fuse, she heard Buster coming from the opposite direction, & immediately hid behind a tree. As he came across it, he grabbed the carrot & pushed it in his mouth, without chewing it. What happened next was extremely disturbing & terrifying. As the fuse went off, Buster's stomach ruptured open, causing his insides to blow out of his stomach. I shied my face away from this. He then fell on the ground & jutted out a few last words: "Help...Babs...Plucky..." until he finally gave out & died. I started crying at this. I couldn't believe it: my cartoon crush...was dead. I didn't want to watch anymore of this evil abomination, but I had to see how this episode was going to continue. As Elmyra carried Buster's corpse back to her house, a voice rang out saying, "Stop, you Satanist!", in a French accent. It was Fifi again. Elmyra then pulled out a shotgun, aiming for Fifi's head. Firing, the bullets then hit her eyes, causing them to burst open. She then grabbed Fifi's body & continued her trek back to her house. A few seconds later, the camera zoomed in to her house. As she smiled at her load, she then heard a siren outside her house. Ten police cars were outside. One officer, possibly the leader of the posse, cried out,"Duff! We know you're in there! Come out with your hands up!" She then poked her head out a window & said, "You'll never take me alive you asses!" She then ran into her kitchen, opened a drawer, & pulled out a knife. She then impaled herself & fell to the floor. As the police busted down the door, Babs & Hamton came through the door & gasped as they layed eyes on Buster & Fifi's corpses. They then knelt down on the ground & started crying. The episode then zoomed out from an aerial view & cut to black, ending.

I couldn't stand it. I ejected the tape & ran away to find my dad. I told him what happened & showed him the tape. He was shocked at the sights, then took the tape & went off to find someone to show. When he came back, he told me he reported it to Mr. Ruegger & everyone watched it. The ones who watched it were executives, animators, writers, & producers, even Mr. Spielburg. The final scene said "Fuck you Warner Bros. signed Bob Camp & Eddie Fitzgerald," maybe to be their somewhat "thank-you" portion of their resignation, as they have often whined about how Tiny Toons was a stupid idea, which was why they resigned & went to work on Ren & Stimpy.

I'm now 40 & am working at Warner Bros. to keep living the legacy of my dad. We are currently working on the new Animaniacs reboot that's supposed to come out in 2020 on Netflix. I still like Tiny Toons, & am hoping to have WB reboot it in future, but I'll never forget what happened. And about Camp & Fitzgerald, I've gotten my revenge on them... & it's called working on the animation of a Spongebob episode. Let's just say Andrew Skinner was involved.