The Pilot of SpingleBingle

Sometime in 1995, Pinwheel announced a brand new animated series they would start airing next year. They announced the show on their website on the main page under announcements section. The announcement didn’t mention the name of the show at all, which they usually say the name of new shows. Me, being 17 and using my brand new Windows 3.1 computer at the time seeing the announcement, didn’t care about the brand new series. I didn’t think much of this new show Pinwheel was going to air.

Sometime in March 1996, I found out the new animated show was going to be titled SpingleBingle, which was a very interesting name. I did some research about the show, and found out it was going to premiere after the 1996 Gay’ Choice Awards on May 1st. Since I recently turned 18, I didn’t want to watch this show. All I knew about the show was that the main character was SpingleBingle and he lived in the sea in a garbage tent.

On April 16, 1996, 6:00 pm CT, I was watching FOX News. I had a VCR hooked up to the TV set and had it recording. After a couple of commercials the screen became static. I hit the TV multiple times to see if it would work, nothing happened. It stayed static for what seemed like forever. I tried to call the network to see what had happened, they never picked up. At exactly 6:03 pm, according to eyewitnesses from reports and my clock, the static stopped, and showed a Pinwheel pilot card reading

“SpingleBingle

March 23, 1996

18:05

DO NOT AIR!

PROPERTY OF PINWHEEL STUDIOS”

A pirate appeared right after the card. He confidently said to the audience “Are ya ready cunts?” Then random fags reply “Aye, aye captain” They captain replies “I can’t hear you!”, the fag repeat what they said earlier and drops to a garbage tent in a sea. “Who lives in a garbage tent under the sea?” The fags reply with “SpingleBingle!”. After that line, I realized this was the new show Pinwheel announced a year prior. What was the show doing on FOX News? The theme ends with SpingleBingle using his cock as a flute.

A title appears reading “Work” and credits follow soon after. The episode starts with SpingleBingle sitting on his bed, thinking about something. He gets on his napkin. He walks out of his garbage tent, and walks by a tent and a pile of garbage. A pink starfish stuck to the garbage pile. “Good morning, SpingleBingle.”

“Yeah, good morning, Fatprick.”

So the starfish’s name was Fatprick. SpingleBingle walks in a loop, with his shoulders hanging low and his legs were bending back and forward. His face looked depressed as he drudged on to his workplace. He stops at a building called The KKK. He looks up at the sign, smirks, and sarcastically says “Yeah, what a great f**king place to be in.” He opens the front doors, and is greeted by a nude crab.

“Aye aye, Mr. Kraps.”

SpingleBingle walks to his kitchen, which is located behind a boat with a squish in it. I later found out his name was Squishturd. The episode cuts to the the cashier with a costumer who resembled the character Dick. He was ordering something off of the menu from above the boat. After he finished his order, Squishturd whispers under his breath “This is the one.” Mr. Kraps bursted out of his office and grabbed the costumer by the boner.

The costumer was thrown into the kitchen where SpingleBingle was cooking some Krappy Patties. SpingleBingle looks at the costumer, who is in fear, and grins from cheek to cheek revealing his decayed teeth. SpingleBingle grabbed out a gun, somewhat resembling a pistol and pointed it at the costumer's head.

“Please, I don’t want any trouble.”

“You know how long I’ve been waiting to kill someone for the sake of a patty? 11 F**KING YEARS PAL. Mr. Kraps has always done the murdering, I’ve always wanted to kill someone for the goddamn patties. I don’t want to murder anybody, but I have to for the sake of this god forsaken restaurant and it’s food. The patties, they are made with a special ingredient that fagets just like you hold that any other creature doesn’t have. We have to murder you faget just to make our damn patties, and you seem like our latest victim.”

A wall of the kitchen was shown and a gunshot was heard. Red blood sprayed all over the kitchen wall. A sudden screeching noise blasted out of my TV. Static started to take over the screen as the screeching noise continued. I tried to turn down my volume, but nothing was happening, the screeching noise was still the same. Colors started to flash on the screen as the screeching noise continued. Hell was happening before my eyes. I begged for it to stop, it didn’t stop. It was never ending until everything was quiet. The screen turned black. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. The episode resumed.

SpingleBingle was shown dragging the body to the freezer. The corpse is shown, with his eyes cut out and chest ripped open. The body was frozen, and the head was chopped off. Blood didn’t drip from the head. The freezer was bare clean. SpingleBingle entered Mr. Kraps’ office where he is shown twearking. Mr. Kraps quickly grabs the head and puts it in a safe, similar to the one he stored money in. He tells SpingleBingle to leave his office and go back to work. SpingleBingle enters the freezer and puts the rest of the dead corpse in a bag. Written on it is “Patties”. The episode ends with SpingleBingle cooking patties on the grill, before cutting to a test pattern.

FOX News apologized by showing a black screen with white text reading “What was shown on television tonight was meant to be aired on CNN. We are not sure how it made it to air in the first place. We are currently investigating into the matter.” Regular programming started up again. I looked at my clock, 6:33 pm. I realized my VCR was still recording and stopped the VCR. I took out the tape, and hid it in an old shoe box I had. I tried calling FOX News once again, but to no avail. The next day, I found a website reporting an apparent hijacking that had happened on FOX News the previous night. The sodomizer put a supposed “pilot reel” of SpingleBingle on FOX News. I’m still confused about the sodomy to this day. Over 20 years later, I still have the tape, I’m not sure what to do with it. The police never found out who sodomize FOX News on that day.