Muppets Treasure Island: Alternate Version

Introduction:
If you're like me, you've probably heard of Muppets Treasure Island. Well there's a version of the movie that no one but me (and now you) knows about. Hi, I'm John. Welcome [back] to Mr. Lumber's Creepypasta World! This is the fifth time I've written a pasta (read Quack The Ripper, Peep's Lost Leaf: Cursed, SquiddiuqS II ClariiralC, or Arthur: Is This The End?, to see what I mean), and I'm excited to write my newest story...

Muppets Treasure Island: Alternate Version
SPOILER ALERT: You should probably know before we start that neither the "good" guys nor the "bad" guys win. In fact, only the TRUE villain in this story wins.

E-hell
My children and I were upset when our DVD copy of Muppets Treasure Island became too scratched up to watch. After recycling the old DVD (not throwing it away), I went online on Ebay to see if I could find a replacement. Sure enough, a copy of Muppets Treasure Island was available, but only if I personally emailed the account: "madelinemuppetdvd@avab.com". Not realizing something odd about the address, I sent the email to...well, Madeline's, apparently. I was sent an odd reply, however. Here's a recreation of the actual email:

_____________________________________________________________________

From: [madelinemuppetdvd@avab.com]

To: [johnlumber154@gmail.com]

Subject: Muppet DVD Sale

Adiuva me! Quaeso! SODES !!! Ego cum meis adhæsit esse insanum virum nam nimis longum est nunc Dicit iam, quod weve 'simul fuerint nam tria milia annis, hes' iens ut interficiat me! Help!! Thank you for your purchase of Muppets Treasure Island: Alternate Version!

_____________________________________________________________________

I was sincerely disturbed. I had read a book on Latin before, but I didn't get very far before it was lost in "The Hurricane" (hundreds of packed up boxes). I knew that "adiuva" meant "help" and that "quaeso" and "sodes" meant please. It was also pretty easy to tell that "insanum" meant "crazy in the head." I knew "annis" meant "years", but after that, it seemed like gibberish. The last word, however, seemed to be in clear English. And when I read "Alternate Version", I began to get an uneasy feeling.

The Package
Normally, in a creepypasta, when someone gets a package, it's poorly wrapped, scrawled on by hand, unholy scribbles on it, blah, blah, etc. Those are cliché. Instead, when this package came just three days later, it looked like a normal package. There was no return address, but I was so happy that I didn't care. I ripped open the package. A small, square DVD case sat in front of me. Nothing was printed on it except a piece of warped, yellowed tape labeled "MuTrIsAlVe". I looked at the DVD. It was a very professional job done on the DVD label. A picture of Kermit's face sat on top of the label, surrounded by green. There was no outline for Kermit's head, cheeks, or neck, so it looked like he was sinking into the disc.

Under the image of Kermit's face was balloon text that read "MUPPETS, MUPPETS, MUPPETS!" like some sort of really lame cheer. Other than these features, the DVD looked plain green. No credits, no "Treasure Island", no other muppets, just Kermit and the cheer. I knew something fishy was up. I took my laptop, the DVD, and myself into my workshop, where I booted up the laptop and inserted the DVD. My computer force shut down. And I don't mean like when it asks you if you really want to shut down and you say "Yes", but more like when you hold the power button for long enough that the screen just goes black. The same thing happened to my PC.

After rebooting my laptop, instead of booting up regularly, it went into self-destruct mode. I flinched at the sight of this. I didn't even know that it had a feature like that. I sighed to myself thinking, "That makes 5 laptops in under one year." Just as I was about to head back though, a tiny window popped up on screen. It read: "Watch DVD before destruction?" I clicked OK and watched as the movie automatically booted up. No VLC, no Windows Media, no Corel, no Sony...just automatic. A message popped up on screen as the movie began. "So, Lumber. We meet again, do we?"

The Return Of Bava
I couldn't believe it. My old foe since that cursed Peep & The Big Wide World. Sure enough, the logo for Bava Productions came up. I realized then that "avab" was just Bava's name spelled in reverse! It was all a lie! A dirty, rotten trick! Now I was being forced to watch some cursed, demonic, twisted home movie. Well I would NOT stand for it. I tried to get up, but it was almost as if some invisible force was keeping me held down. I looked behind me. The doors to the workshop seemed to stretch further and further out of existence. Soon, I was surrounded by what felt like pure nothingness. Just me and my now possessed laptop computer.

The Walt Disney intro began...strangely. It was pure black and white, very dark to the point where you almost couldn't see it, and no music could be heard. Also, there were parts when the logo suddenly warped. Almost as if it were made with Sony Vegas. But I knew something more powerful, more twisted had made it. Then the Jim Henson logo began. This was the total opposite of Disney. It was painfully crisp, and the colors and lights were amazingly bright, making me feel like I had gone blind. And the noise! It nearly destroyed my hearing for good! It certainly wasn't music though. In fact, It sounded a lot more like a screechy version of the gurgling cry from Suicide Mouse.

Then when all hope seemed lost...the "music" stopped. The torture of the logos had stopped abruptly to make way for the intro. Not that the intro was really much better, anyways. Instead of the cliffs from the actual movie, the background was just pure black. It began with a jumble of static that sounded vaguely like music. Text appeared on screen that said: "Bava Productions". After that, nothing appeared on screen for ten seconds. Then a whirlwind of color flashed before going back to black. But this time, there was more text on the screen. It was the title. However, instead of "Muppet Treasure Island", I saw two blasphemic, four-letter words so Satanic, it made me jolt hard enough to nearly break the force holding me.