Sesame Street Episode 666 (Alternative Episode)

The Pasta was SERIOUSLY THAT BAD, people. But it will probably suck ass less thanks to my edits. I began working at PBS back in 1971 for my new job. I got to watch new episodes of shows like Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and others. For the most part, I had a super fun and awesome time until I quit my job in 1985.

But quitting wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was in 1974. Me and 5 other interns (named Henry, Joey, Shawn, Allison, and Sammy) were ready to watch a new episode of Sesame Street. They expected it to be the first episode of season 6, but what we saw was very different from what was broadcasted. And I mean VERY.

Man, just how I could forget about this entire experience... It started off with Big Bird walking down the street to visit Oscar. For some reason, however, Oscar looked mad as if something horrible happened to him. Big Bird looked depressed as Oscar was yelling at him, even though he didn't do anything to anger him. I was confused by this scene, and I could tell the other interns were thinking the same way as I was. Then it cut to Elmo (or what looked like a prototype of him) sitting on a sofa. The strange thing was, Elmo didn't exist back in 1974 and he wasn't a puppet. He was a live costume (similar to Big Bird) with a performer inside him. Then he said something that shocked us. His voice was the same voice used before Kevin Clash voiced him. He said: "Listen up all of you, Elmo is about to mess Sesame Street up and make everyone Elmo's slaves! Elmo will hunt down and rape you all. Then Elmo will make all of you face the kiss of death! You all must burn in hell! 

This next scene made some of the interns horrified... In the next shot, we saw Cookie Monster, except he was all red. Then he yelled "LISTEN UP EVERYONE, I'M ABOUT TO KILL MY CREATOR JIM HENSON." He ended up doing just that. After killing Jim, he started eating him. He pulled out his brains, guts, heart, flesh, eyeballs, and other internal organs and ate '''ALL of them. '''It was disgusting.

Then we saw Grover in an airplane. He had an empty beer bottle and a cell phone (which was odd because cell phones didn't even exist back then). Grover suddenly got drunk and ran to the emergency exit. He opened the door and jumped out. He fell to the ground and died.

When the next scene came, it scared us horribly.

It showed Big Bird being thrown off a cliff into the ocean by a masked perpetrator with an anvil on his leg. He struggled to free himself from the anvil underwater for around a minute and drowned. The next scene showed Ernie sitting on a chair. A noose was visible up above. Ernie was writing in a diary. It said:

''Dear Diary, my life sucks. It always has and has not improved one bit. At this point, my life sucks so badly, that I have no other choice than to end it all. If my suicide affects anyone negatively, I apologize in advance. Lastly, I must thank all my family and friends for the support they have given me throughout my time here on Sesame Street. Goodbye. - Ernie''

Then he hanged himself on the noose mentioned earlier.

Bert than appeared. When he discovered the body of Ernie, he gave a blank expression. However, what he did next was just weird yet appalling. He took down Ernie's corpse and ate his brain. (I don't know why he did this. I just don't.)

The credits were in Japanese. A distorted version of the music normally heard in season 6 credits played. Then the episode finally ended...

The other interns were shocked. Some were pissed off. I was just speechless. Two of the interns claimed to have seen an image that flashed on screen for a frame or two at the end of the credits, though neither of them could make out what it was. We agreed to rewind the footage to see if this was true. Sure enough, it was. The image was a photo showing Elmo standing in front of the same living room backdrop seen in the episode. He was holding a large cardboard sign that said in big black letters "ELMO IS GOING TO GET ALL OF YOU" written in black marker. What happened next was SCARY. We saw Elmo (or more likely, someone in an Elmo suit; oddly enough, it was the same costume used in the episode) burst through the room. The person inside the suit was insane and had a handgun in one of his hands. He came for us while shouting: "Here comes a candle to light you to bed, and here comes a chopper to CHOP OFF YOUR HEAD!". He shot his gun all over the place. However, me and the other interns thankfully got away unharmed.

The guy in the costume was actually a psychopath who kidnapped the producers to create the awful episode. Me and the other interns found out about that on an article on The Washington Post. The same psycho later got a life sentence in prison for a murder charge unrelated to the episode. Everybody, including us, was relieved.

Anyway, the reason why I quit was because, in late 1985 (the year Elmo appeared in his modern form), I was just resting on the couch watching TV, when suddenly, I heard a voice that sounded like Kevin Clash's Elmo voice. It whispered:

"Sesame Street is now over. Try to keep this interesting for Elmo."

I looked back and what I saw was horrifying.

What I saw was an Elmo plushie, with blood on it. It had a knife in its hand and a gun in the other, and had a creepy grin, and it's "eyes" were empty black holes...

...it also had a note which read:

"お前は次の犠牲者です. エルモは君を狩ります. 悪魔を称賛する. "

After some hours of trying to figure out what the note translated to, I discovered what it meant:

"You are the next victim. Elmo will hunt you down. Praise the devil."

Someday, I will be next...

THE END.