Disney's House in The Woods

“Blessed are the destroyers of false hope, for they are the true Messiahs - Cursed are the god-adorers, for they shall be shorn sheep!”

― Anton Szandor LaVey, The Satanic Bible

"Disney's House in The Woods" written by TheDarkCat97
What is there to see if I go outside? Don't tell me. I know. I can see other people. I don't want to see other people. They look awful. The men look like slobs and the women look like men. The men have mush faces framed by long hair, and the women have big noses, big jaws, big heads, and stick-like bodies. That depresses me. Its no fun to people-watch anymore because there's so little variety in types.

You say it's good to get a change of scenery. What scenery? New buildings? New cars? New freeways? New shopping malls? Go to the woods or a park? I saw a tree once. The new ones look the same, which is fine. I even remember what the old ones look like. My memory isn't that short. But it's not worth going to see a squirrel grab a nut, or fish swimming around in a big tank if I must put up with the ugly contemporary human pollution that accompanies each excursion. The squirrel may enliven me and remind me of better vistas but the price in social interaction isn't worth it. If, on my way to visit the squirrel, I encounter a single person who gains stimulation by seeing me, I feel like I have given more than I've received and I get sore.

If every time I go somewhere to see a fish swimming, I become someone else's stimulation, I feel shortchanged. I'll buy my own fish and watch it swim. Then, I can watch the fish, the fish can watch me, we can be friends, and nobody else interferes with the interaction, like trying to hear what the fish and I are talking about. I won't have to get dressed a certain way to visit the fish. I needn't dress the way my pride dictates, because who's going to see me? I needn't wear any pants. The fish doesn't care. He doesn't read the tabloids. But, if I go out to see a fish other than my own, I'm right back where I started: entertaining others, which is more depleting than visiting the new fish is entertaining. But, alas, things are not as they seem to be. My apartment smelled old - old food and old clothes. Older keepsakes from a time when I was a different man than the behemoth sitting behind the computer now, peeking through the places where the trash didn’t take over. As you can tell by that description... I'm a fat, disgusting slob. Not once did I ever exercise at the gym, not once did I ever apply for a job, and not once did I ever have girls fall head-over-heels for me.

Ever since, I've become the biggest losers in history. That is, until I made some online friends. I first met a user by the name of Starstruck45 on DeviantArt and everything went smoothly, that is until I found out what another user on DeviantArt has been making.

You see, his channel, DemonPunk, has been doing a bunch of animations ever since his channel first came into light. And I must admit, he's a pretty damn good animator, doing all sorts of short films and character movements; he can make things look like they're made by Disney and or DreamWorks. I have been following him ever since I saw his short film about anthropomorphic animals fighting each other like something from those graphic Deadpool comics. On a Saturday afternoon, I saw another short film of his, it's about a dancing, skinless man while the song, "She's a Lady" by Tom Jones, played in the background. This was obviously for shits and giggles as the comment section was buzzing with satisfied Deviants.

After that, he simply vanished for a month. But around October, DemonPunk came back and uploaded something that I did not expect to see.

It wasn't like the other short films he made, it seemed like a full length movie. I looked and the film was age-restricted, which was weird since he uploaded the video with the skinless man. The title was labeled, "Disney's House in The Woods" (Which is a loose anagram of "Cabin in The Woods").

The movie starts with the usual 2D animation of the intro with ominous music playing in the background, which was mixed with recordings of real police calls of actual homicides. It begins with a shot of a house in a neighborhood, and it cuts inside for me to see a teenage girl by the name of Victoria, a seventeen-year-old misfit, is leaving Phoenix, Arizona and moves to Gatesville, a small town located in North Carolina. She will be living with her father, Fredrick, the town's police chief. Her mother, Sarah, is remarried to Jack, a construction worker.

Victoria becomes acquainted with Sampson Moriarty, a muscle-bound teen who lives with his father, Phil. At her new high school, Victoria makes friends, but she is particularly intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Nash siblings. Victoria is seated next to Scarlet Nash in biology class on her first day, but she seems repulsed by her. After week's of absence from school, Scarlet returns and socializes normally with Victoria. A few days later, Victoria is nearly attacked by a coyote in the school parking lot. Scarlet instantaneously slaughters the beast by slitting it's throat and mutilated it with the largest knife she can get her hands on. She subsequently refuses to explain his actions to Victoria, and warns her against befriending her. Sampson tells Victoria about a long-standing animosity between the Nash's and the Moriarty's, and says the Nash's are not allowed on the reservation.

After much research, Victoria concludes that Scarlet's family are a band of psychopaths that escaped an asylum around 2006. She eventually confirms this, but says that she won't kill her, since she deemed her "special".

Scarlet then introduces Victoria to her psychotic family in their home, which is... quite literally, a house in the woods. Thomas, the family patriarch, is a cook at the restaurant TarHeel Bar-B-Q (I used Google Map, trust me, it's a real place). Connie is Thomas' wife and the family matriarch. Harold, Jasper, Elliot, and Rose are their children. The family's reaction to Victoria is mixed, concerned the family's secret could be exposed that camouflaged their homicidal bloodlust.

I looked at this, and it's actually decent. I enjoyed the typical humor the cartoon had to show, and I liked the idea of a normal teenage girl trying to survive a family of serial killers. When it comes to Disney, the villains are usually animals, evil temptresses, demons, or dragons. This time, in this fan-made Disney film, the villains are real-life psychopaths. Believe me, the characteristics of these antagonists are as you'd expect from a serial killer: they exhibit varying degrees of mental illness or psychopathy, which may contribute to their homicidal behavior.

Take The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as an example: In Kim Newman's view, Tobey Hooper's presentation of the Sawyer family during the dinner scene parodies a typical American sitcom family. The gas station owner is the bread-winning father figure; the killer "Leatherface" is depicted as a bourgeois housewife; the hitchhiker acts as the rebellious teenager. Isabel Cristina Pinedo, author of Recreational Terror: Women and the Pleasures of Horror Film Viewing, states, ''The horror genre must keep terror and comedy in tension if it is to successfully tread the thin line that separates it from terrorism and parody ... this delicate balance is struck in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in which the decaying corpse of Grandpa not only incorporates horrific and humorous effects, but actually uses one to exacerbate the other.''

In the film, the Nash family continue to hide their murderous intent by acting like a normal family. That is, until the film reaches it's two-hour mark. They begin to slowly reveal their real intentions towards Victoria, and they begin to reveal their first born son, Luther. Luther... holy shit. This character is so terrifying, it'll even scare the piss out of Freddy Krueger.

The character for Luther Nash resembled a tall, lanky young man wearing tattered clothes, which is due to being locked in the basement for a long time. His messy black hair went in every which way, and his eyes were yellow and jaundiced with red cracks all over them. His teeth were a rotten, disgusting orange, and his skin is a ghastly gray. But that isn't the scariest part... the scary part was his face. Or. Lack of.

The skin of his face was surgically carved off, and was wearing his own decomposing face as a mask, with the sinewy facial tissue clearly visible underneath his fleshy garment. And what made this even more bone chilling was that underneath the mask was his own skull-like fleshy face with his lack of eyelids, which was the reason his eyes never close, and his mouth, which were exposed rotting teeth, only move up-and-down when talking, much like a ventriloquist dummy from Hell.

When I saw this, I nearly shat myself. I mean, looking at Luther would give any horror fan nightmares for months on end. It looked like a cross between The Joker (when his face was cut off), and Bray Wyatt, from WWE, as The Fiend. When he spoke, it was raspy and quiet, he would sound shaky and hysterical due to his insanity. It's clear that he has Paranoid Schizophrenia.

There was a scene where Victoria first meets Luther near the climax of the movie, he cornered her in the basement with a large, carving knife. He would get in her face with the knife, singing in a way a real lunatic would speak.

"Looondon Bridges faalling down... Faalling down... Faalling down..."

As expected in any Slasher film, Victoria got the fuck out of there with the rest of the Nash family after her with viscous intent. Behind them was Luther, but he wasn't running. He was walking, that large knife still in his fist as he continued singing, "Looondon Bridges faalling down... Faalling down... Faalling down..."

The family chased her through the woods for about an hour, 'till she hid behind an oak tree, where they ran past her. She was in the clear 'till they find her and the chase continues again. Again, as expected in any Slasher film, the family gets killed off one-by-one. Victoria then finally gets stalked by Luther as he sang, "Looondon Bridges faalling down... Faalling down... Faalling down... Looondon Bridges faaling down..."

As she continues to look around the pitch black forest, she runs into him as he now shouts in a growling deep voice that sounds like a heavy metal singer, "MYY FAAIR LADY!"

He stabs her in the gut multiple times, rendering her into shock, but the knife was now jammed into her rib cage. He then began to knock her down with a violent sucker punch to her jaw, got on top of her, and slash at her face like a rabid animal, 'till a gun sound effect was heard. Blood splatters from the back of Luther's skull as he falls dead on top of a wounded Victoria. Sampson is seen with a sniper rifle and goes to check on Victoria. He calls nine-one-one and Victoria is taken in an ambulance.

She wakes up in the hospital and is embraced by her parents. And with that, she continues to attend school, and the movie ends with the shot of Scarlet and Thomas, surviving their deaths as they stalk Victoria in the bushes.

I must admit, this Disney-based horror film was awesome, but if Disney made something like this, they'd get a heavy amount of backlash from fans and families alike. I commented on this piece of artwork, saying that this was scary as fuck. The next day, I went to the site once more, but it was taken down by DemonPunk himself. I asked him why, and he replied by saying that he took it down due to Disney fans being shocked and appalled by the content it had to offer.

This reply is clearly understandable. I mean, if any kid came across this, they'd be already traumatized for life due to the blood, guts, and the amount of brains being splattered all over the walls. Not only that, but the antagonists of the movie are fucking psychotic, and the character for Luther is the worst of the bunch; he makes Jack the Ripper look like Homer Simpson. I remember asking for the movie to be uploaded to YouTube, but he denied the request, saying that it would result in angry parents purging his channel like Sauron's Army. For me of course, I finally got myself a job. I'm an official cashier at Seven Eleven.

I'm gonna go on ahead and end this on a high note; if you want to create a fan-made animation based on Disney or DreamWorks, go right on ahead. I'm not gonna stop you. But, if it has blood and guts, just remember that you're not gonna get the response you wanted when it comes to either fanboys or an overly-protective parent. Like what Count Jackula said in his review of I Spit on Your Grave: Horror movies work by trying to get as close to the raw, cultural nerve as possible by taking advantage of society's fears and anxieties. Particularly, those of the times that they're made.

I still remember DemonPunk's film, and what was presented before me. Even though it made me uneasy, I still loved it as a YouTube video - despite the negative response from sensitive parents and fanboys. Maybe one day DemonPunk would suck it up and upload it to YouTube as a means to say screw you to those over-sensitive, autistic fanboys and parents, and gain a million views and reaction videos. But, nonetheless, it's just gonna remain anonymous to this day.