The Clubhouse Doomsday Project

Author's Note
Before you start reading, let me just say that this story is a funnypasta, and is not meant to be taken seriously. I'd also like you to know that I have a fat saggy butt which I like to scratch every hour on the hour. That is all. Enjoy reading.

The Story
You know something? A few days ago I never would have believed in lost episodes or cursed episodes or anything of the like until this little DVD came into my possession.

I guess I should explain who I am. My name is Frankley Hott, and I'm a HUGE fan of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse as opposed to my now missing best friend Rodger Lampton. You see Rodger hated the show, everything about it, as well as all of it's characters especially the lead character Mickey Mouse.

One day, he watched the supposed finale of the series on TV but what he watched was far from sweet. To put it bluntly, the finale had Satan, electric chairs, and acts of sexual pleasure. Pretty much things you would never expect to see in a normal episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The weird thing is that about a day or two after he watched the episode he completely disappeared off the face of the Earth.

I tried asking the police to look into his disappearance, but they refused, citing that Lampton was apparently a "horrifying individual with bad gas." Lampton had not been very popular during his lifetime, and was quite the rival of the late great police commissioner Richard Asquith.

Anyways, I spent the next few months, searching around the deep web for the finale. I couldn't find anything. I even tried emailing Disney Junior. They emailed back with "sorry mate we ain't got no finale with all that spicy stuff in it go away!" I even went as far as to search through every DVD store in my town, and even in the nearby city. I tried Amazon, EBay, Craigslist, you name it I tried it.

However, one day, while taking a walk through town with my dog Rex who had huge balls..... uh I mean tennis balls. You dirty minded reader. Anyways, while walking Rex, I stumbled across a store, I had never seen before in my town. It was called 'DVD's, Blu rays. Games, and Spicy Sausages.' From what I could tell, the store had just opened, as there was a help wanted sign hanging on the front window.

I walked in with Rex following behind me. Yeah I know you're not supposed to have dogs in shops, but I'm one rude son of a gun. I walked up to the cashier, and asked him what the shop was all about. The cashier who looked like he had smoked fifty blunts of weed, said to me, "this is the best shop in the world boyio. We sell DVDs, Blu Ray's, video games, and spicy sausages." He finished his sentence by holding up.... and I'm not even joking here a massive hot dog sausage. "Cool." I said uncomfortably as I began browsing through the various shelves the store had to offer. The entire time the creepy guy kept staring at me.

The stuff this shop had were amazing. They had video games that hadn't even released yet like SpongeBob Rehydrated, Last of Us Part II, and Grand Theft Auto VI. They also had TV shows and movies that hadn't been released yet like Shrek 5, Indiana Jones and The Golden Suitcase, SpongeBob SquarePants Complete Season 11, and Backyardigans Backyard Adventures Complete Series One on bluray.

They were all incredibly cheap too. Needless to say, I went on a buying frenzy, and bought nearly everything in the entire fricking store. However, I soon stumbled upon a seemingly empty shelf with one DVD on top of it. I picked it up.

The name of the DVD was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Volume One. The cover had a picture of Mickey Mouse, and the rest of his gang of friends dancing in the Clubhouse, with Pete looking in on them from the outside window. The back of the DVD had nothing on it just a picture of some guy washing his toes. Not even joking on that one.

I payed for the rest of the items, and when I gave the cashier this DVD, he looked at me with a somewhat sexual grin. "This one is the manager's favourite. Pity he couldn't be here to see it being given away." The cashier said while rubbing the DVD up and down with his long skeleton like fingers. "Uh yeah sure. Um how much is this gonna cost?" I asked again feeling really uncomfortable. "Oh this one is 69 pence." He said while his eyebrows went up and down continuously. I payed for the DVD, and then the cashier pulled out a large carton of milk. "Here have some free milk from us. You're our new number one customer!" He yelled happily, as I took the milk out of his hands. "Thanks." I said, and with that, me and Rex made our way back home.

When we got home, I closed my front door, fed Rex his food, and flopped down on my sofa ready to take a nap. That's when I remembered the stuff I bought. I went over to one of my bags to try out one of my new games when the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD unexpectedly fell out from one of the bags. I picked it up, and gave a small sigh before saying, "well it'll kill a few hours."

I put the disc into my PlayStation 2  because I don't own a DVD player... they were made by Satan. While my ps2 set itself up, I headed into my kitchen, and poured myself a glass from the new free bottle of milk, I got at the shop. It came in handy too as I had just ran out of milk in my house.

I headed back into the living room with my glass of milk in my hand. I sat down on the sofa, and saw that the commercials were playing. Only they were really weird. One commercial had Simba doing a talk show with Quasimodo and Jafar discussing racial differences in the workplace, another had Stewie from Family Guy singing 'Take On Me, and another had a small video which had someone running through the forest late at night. I could hear a voice in the background saying, "you won't get far sonny!" I'm not sure but it sounded like the cashier from earlier. The clip then ended abruptly with no real rhyme or reason.

I was curious to say the least, but I decided to check the other episodes first. None of them worked, and all had really bad quality which looked like it was filmed on a 1921 computer. Oh yeah I went there. Annoyed, I retreated back to the episode select screen, and clicked the bonus episode icon.

The episode started with the normal theme song, it had Mickey walking up the path to greet the viewer as normal. He said his usual greeting, "well hey everybody it's me Mickey Mouse!" He then continued with "say you wanna come inside my clubhouse?" I didn't answer as why would I? It's not like he could hear me..... or so I thought. After about a minute of Mickey listening for my answer, he pulled away from the screen, and said, "I SAID DO YOU WANNA COME INSIDE ME CLUBHOUSE PEASANT?!" Mickey yelled in a demonic voice. "Um yes." I said in a small timid voice not at all like myself. "Well alright let's go!" Mickey said happliy returning to his normal voice as the theme then went on like normal.

I even said the magic words to make the clubhouse appear out of fear that Mickey might yell again. Aside from  at the beginning, the theme song played like normal. That was until the ending where Mickey flicks the switch inside the clubhouse. He let out a massive fart which I could smell through the TV. It smelt like a bulldog chewing on a wasp on a double decker bus in London or maybe Sweden.

The title then appeared it read "The Clubhouse Doomsday Project."

The episode then started with Mickey pacing around his clubhouse with a blank expression. He turned to face the screen, and said, "well hey there everybody you ready for another amazing day?" I once didn't answer which caused Mickey to yell, "answer me!!!!" "No." I said having had enough of Mickey's mood. This caused Mickey to smile, and say, "you're not as dumb as you look."

Mickey then made his way outside of the Clubhouse into the garden, and saw that Professor Von Drake was working on some kind of machine. "What ya working on Professor?" Mickey asked curiousley. "Oh nothing Mickey just a little trinket which will allow the clubhouse to have unlimited pancakes." Von Drake explained: a hint of arrogance looming in his voice. "Wow unlimited pancakes sounds like a great idea!" Minnie proclaimed as she, Donald, Daisy, and Goofy made their way onto the scene.

"Pancakes why make cakes out of pans?" Goofy asked while smoking a vape. Um okay? Didn't know Goofy was a smoker but I'll buy it. Daisy was about to say something but Donald cut off by saying, "I love pancakes too!"

Suddenly some really funky music something like this [//www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ5_QxwFjNI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ5_QxwFjNI] began to play in the background as Pete made his way towards the Clubhouse gang. "My my what's going on here?" Pete asked curiousley as he reached Mickey and his friends. "Oh hiya Pete!" Mickey greeted happliy before continuing, "the professor is building us a machine which will allow the clubhouse to have unlimited pancakes!"

"Unlimited pancakes ya say?" Pete asked as a big evil grin appeared on his face. "That's right Pete unlimited pancakes!" Goofy chimmed in while sucking Donald's hat. Not even joking on that one dear reader. Pete then made his way towards the machine, and began to violently press some of the buttons on it causing the machine to start making loud ear bleeding sounds like if you put a rock in a blender. Don't try it. I have and it killed my wife.

"Uh Pete I'd stop that if I were you!" Von Drake exclaimed in fear as the machine made one last big beep noise before it completely shut down. "Now where are me pancakes?" Pete asked in an annoyed tone as he picked up the machine, and proceeded to violent shake it up and down like a poloroid picture. Then the machine actually starting speaking in a voice which sounded like one of those text to speech thingies. It said, "warning machine has been tammered with... self destruct in 3. 2, 1....." "Wait what!?" The whole clubhouse gang including Pete screamed out in fear as the clubhouse exploded into a million pieces killing nearly every single one of the characters with it.

However, Pete managed to survive along with Von Drake. Pete asked frantically, "what the heck did you do Professor!?" "Don't look at me you're the one who was pressing all the buttons." Von Drake complained. "I just wanted some pancakes to give to my lover Willie The Giant." Pete explained as he looked at the dead bodies of the other characters. He started crying. 'What a pussy' I thought to myself as I downed another glass of that special milk.

Pete and Von Drake then made their way towards what now remained of the clubhouse. While they were walking some really sad music played in the background. I can't even really rememember how it went, but it sounded a bit like Lionel Ritchie's "Hello," mixed with "man in the mirror" by Michael Jackson.

Suddenly, an outside view of a church was shown with a subtitle reading 'five days later.'  Inside the church, I saw that it was a massive funreal for all the chracters who died in the explosion. Pete, Von Drake, and other characters from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse universe including Scrooge McDuck, Mortimer Mouse, Willie The Giant, Boo Boo Chicken, and even Count Duckula for some odd reason.

The characters all gave their own eulogys in memory of those who have fallen. Then it transioned to show them standing in front of all the graves. A single tear came to Pete's eye, as he said in a quiet whisper, "we're gonna miss you guys."

The episode ended with no credits just a black scene with somber music playing in the background. It then took back to the main menu which had not changed, and still had Mickey dancing to that 1970's song.

I was confused to say the least, and I decided to ask the cashier at the store about it. I took the disc out of my ps2, and placed it back inside the DVD. I ran all the way back to the store from eariler, and threw the DVD at the cashier's face causing him to start crying like a little Poppa Smurf. Get it?

The cashier eventually stopped crying, and asked, "so I take it you saw the DVD then?" "Yeah I did, and what the heck is this supposed to some kind of dark joke!? Don't test me boyio I need some answers, and I want them now!" I yelled causing an old lady who was standing next to me to faint and break her hip. I'm sure she'll be fine.

The cashier gave a small depressed sigh, and said, "I think you need to see the manager." "Well okay." I said, as the cashier led me into a small backroom with loads of cardboard boxes placed all around the room. Then in the corner of the room was a small office desk with a large laptop on top of it, and sitting at the desk was....... oh my God it was just as I expected. It was Rabe Maniels back from the dead.

"Rabe Maniels!?" I asked shocked as a shocked man would often ask when shocked. "In the flesh." Rabe said confidently as he got up from his desk, and made his way towards me. "But I thought you were send back into the void? I thought Shadow Reader and Otterton defeated you with their powers." I said confused. "I managed to escape before the void sealed off. Just like Otterton did." Rabe explained as he let out a massive fart.

"So why did you make this DVD?" I asked. "To show you what happened to Rodger Lampton." Rabe then continued with, "also, the episode was made by my good friend and this store's cashier Johnny Buggerton." "So that guy getting chased in the commercial that was Rodger wasn't it?" I asked. "Yes, and don't worry... he's being well looked after... well looked after." Rabe said as Johnny came in, and pinned me down to the desk.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I asked as Rabe pulled out a large axe. "I'm afraid now you know the truth of my store being my secret hideout, and I can't have anyone getting in the way of my evil plan to get revenge on Shadow, DaveTheUseless, Matthew Willaims, and all those other people who wronged me!" Rabe explained before finishing with, "and I'm starting with you Frankely."

I shook my body violently from left to right trying to get out of Johnny's grasp... but it was no use, as Rabe held the axe high up into the sky as I braised myself for the impact that was to follow.

But it never came, as I heard the door swing open, as a man with a fedora on his head came running in. He gave Johnny a swift kick in the stomach, and grabbed my hand, and said, "run." We made our way outside the store, and ran down the street until we reached a small dark alleyway.

I hugged the mysterious stranger, and said, "thank you thank you! You saved my life!" "Don't mention it." The stranger said as he removed himself from my bear hug. He then turned to leave, and I asked, "um if I may ask who exactly are you?" The stranger then stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to face me. The light finally showing his face to me. It was as I expected. It was The Shadow Reader in the flesh with Otterton placed proudly upon his right shoulder. Shadow adjusted his fedora, and said, "I'm The Shadow Reader, and we have a lot of work to do!"

To Be Continued.....

Author's Note II
I hope that you enjoyed this incredibly long story, This funnypasta took me a really long time to write so any feedback you can give me is greatly apperciated. Oh and yes sorry about this story ending on a cliffhanger as I'm planning to write a sequel story which will be about Frankely and Shadow as well as DaveTheUseless and the other characters from the 'Homeless SpongeBob Trilogy' setting out to rescue Rodger Lampton, and stop Rabe Maniels once and for all. Get ready it'll be even bigger than Garfield's belly on a Saturday night. Thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the next funnypasta peace out-Bruno Tattagllia.